Monday, November 10, 2008

FREAKING OUT

4:30a.m. -I'm lying awake in bed freaking out. What in the world am I going to do? I am alone with the kids, as Sergio got a call on Friday afternoon that he had to be in New York Presbyterian on Monday morning 10a.m.! I let the kids sleep in bed with me. I know, mistake right? Spoil them right? I DON'T CARE!! I loved it! Cuddling with them, hearing Michael say "Mami te amo" right before he drifted off to sleep. Chi Chi just asking me if she could just hold me (she knows.)

All these wonderful things are what bring me to the computer when I am so stressed. I know all these things that worry me are only temporary. What will I do with the kids? How will I handle not holding Michael, not playing around with them for a while, not driving for weeks? Not driving Chi Chi to school or gymnastics, not going to Publix, the bank and the post office. All those boring tasks I took for granted.

Luckily, and hopefully I will be well again and up and about in 2-3 weeks, I think to myself and then I get strong again. But really I'm fading here! I don't know how I'm going to keep blogging and optimistic when I'm getting more and more stressed and overwhelmed. Yeah, sure I can be strong but really I'm doing this alone. My husband will be under the knife, and then has to stay away for 2 months, my mother is not around and my grandmothers are too old at this point to really hang out with me, so I'm kinda feeling like I want to pout a little. I guess maybe that's where you come in - you are there reading serving as my mental therapist, even if you don't know it.

I have moments like now when I'm typing that I'm like, WTF did I get myself into?! Then most of the time I am excited and thrilled about this challenge and this journey. I am really excited to be able to do something worthwhile with my life. Although, I must say, the most worthwhile thing I've ever done (for me) is having my wonderful children, but aside from that, I guess this will rank.

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