Thursday, December 26, 2013

ROUGH RIDE

So, I am having some serious trouble moving on from the whole craniotomy thing.  It's been 3 weeks since my surgery to remove a (benign) meningioma.  Thankfully, I am much better, but now I am getting paranoid about having headaches and weird sensations in my nasal passages, the tightness in myskull: from the plates and screws holding the bone flap ( I guess!) It feels very tight like your skull is ridged instead of fluid feeling. (It is hard to explain but feels super weird plus continued poor vision out of my left eye.  The surgeon says that the vision problem has nothing to do with the surgery.  Hmm?  I know I am getting into the bi-focal stage (age 45 yr.) but I am very skeptical about that not being related.  The meningioma was the size of a lemon located in my left frontal lobe, so hmmm?!  I am also super freaked out about my scar and how big it is.  I was told by a massage therapist that I should massage it and put Vitamin E on it so that it doesn't remain hard and give me more headaches in the future.  Today, I looked at the actual entry point where the worst part of the scar is and I almost fainted.  Everyone tells me it's not so bad and that it is healing nicely, but I haven't shown anyone the ACTUAL entry point.  I know this is all superficial stuff  but it concerns me, nonetheless.  I guess I got worse because I started reading blogs about other people who have had removal of meningiomas and their stories are not all pretty.  Almost everyone says exhaustion is normal, so I don't feel so bad there but one person said it could take months even years to have your brain completely heal!  Wow!

I will tell you this, in the whole scope of things, right now , everything in my life makes sense.    If you have gone through this or any life change health-related event, I can tell you that the little things that bother you will fall by the way-side and you’ll just be really grateful to be alive, as I am! I am truly trying to enjoy that feeling (at least when I don't have headaches or when I am not being a referee to my two kids who are always arguing! :o)

It's a rough ride and very surreal and I know it will be a long road to full recovery but        I keep telling myself how lucky I am and trying to learn a little more each day.

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