Saturday, November 8, 2014

BE THE PARENT, NOT A FRIEND

There is a fine line between being a strict mom and trying to be friendly with your kid so you can relate to them.  In my experience, it is always best to be "mom" first!  You can be "friends" later when your child is an adult, but as they are growing up, especially during the teen and tween years, being a parent should take precedence. ( prec·e·dence)
 

Sometimes, I find myself trying to get "too friendly" with my tween and her friends, but this is only so I can stay "in the loop" of what's going in their "tween world."  No parent should be so oblivious to what's going on in their children's lives. You can be friendly but make sure to not let your child confuse you "being friendly" with you being the parent!  

Recently, I saw a picture online of a mother and daughter dressed for Halloween.  I can't even begin to tell you how mortified I was when I saw the picture.  It was a mother and daughter, (who is probably about 14 years old,) and they were both dressed as "slutty nurses!"  Now, while the mother looked amazing and is obviously in great shape, I was shocked that any parent would let their child go out dressed in the fashion that this young lady was (barely) dressed. Sure, it was a Halloween costume, but this mom was trying to "hang" with her kid and be cool like her, and yes, she even looked better than her child, but this is no way for a parent to act.  Allowing your child to look and dress provocatively on purpose! Really?  ( Yeah, I am being opinionated and judgmental right now, that's why I have a blog.)

I remember when my step-daughter "hated" her father during her teen years because life was so miserable with all the "rules and regulations," but today, she is eternally grateful for having such a loving-caring (and yeah, some times, strict parents.)

However, in the same, breath, I tell my children that I will always be the best friend they will ever have, because I will always love them unconditionally, never betray them and always have their back!  I try to teach them that having a good friend, means having those qualities.



I recently read an article where, actress, Kelly Ripa talked about her teen daughter not liking her.  She said, " "I don't think she likes me, but I don't care. I'm like, 'I'm not your friend, I'm your mom,'" Ripa told Wendy Williams. "I just feel an obligation as her mom to keep her living in the real world.  I don't care who you are or what you do, if you're a mom, you're a mom." 


Ripa, 44, explained that not only is she a source of embarrassment for her teen, but recently, she and her husband, Mark Consuelos, were forced to punish their daughter. Ripa said she revoked their daughter's phone and Internet privileges because she was using her phone when she was supposed to be studying Spanish. 

At the end of the day, you are the parent, and you should always act accordingly.  If your child currently "hates" you or thinks you are the "meanest mother ever," you are probably doing a great job!  



“A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. And mothers are their daughters' role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships.”
Victoria Secunda



Sources to check out:
Empowering Parents
Psychology Today
DailyMailUK
More4Kids

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