I have previously posted articles regarding my tween and her cell phone obsession but this article I read, on SAHM.ORG just took me over the top. It felt like it was directed at me and my kid. It list 5 reasons why teens should not have cell phones. Now, intellectually I know it is not the smartest thing to let your kid have a cell phone, but of course, I let myself get convinced with the, "I am the only one in school who does not have cell phone," routine, by my 12- year old, who is in the 7th grade.
Actually, I have a few friends who had "incidents" recently with their girls and their cell phones, posting inappropriate pictures of themselves and I learned my lesson from them and I became a "watchdog" after those episodes. Then I got thinking, I know that when you
really want to find a way to do something, you do! So, I figured, it is not so much about
watching my kids every move, it is about
teaching them (her) that social media is a tool, which can be used for both good and bad.
The last few days and her behavior, lead me to implement "
new rules" in my home regarding my daughter's cell phone usage. For example, she was texting me during the day with request, such as "bring me lunch please, I don't like the cafeteria food," or "can so and so come over today" or "can I walk to Starbuck's after school?"Can you imagine? I was getting these texts messages from her
during class time, despite her having been warned not to text during class time! (lack of listening skills, is for another blog post!) Oh, and let's not mention, the "head on the phone" routine in the car upon pick up!
Well, guess what? this article and
all those things I mentioned, set me off! No more phone in school!
When I shared the news with my daughter when she arrived home yesterday, she just about died.
"What??! that's not fair, she exclaimed!" "Please Mommy, I have to have my phone in school!" "Not fair? I said. Newsflash! Life is not fair. And not fair, is that your parents pay for your cell phone and you
don't. Not fair, is that there are children in this world with no food, no shelter, and definitely no cell phones! So either, you follow my new rules or the phone gets disconnected forever." SILENCE.
And so, today begins, the new cell phone rule with serious limitations. Sure, I could follow this article's advice and not let her have one at all, but I do not want to be a
complete ogre and have her be "the only one without a cell phone." I do recognize that cell phones are a major way of tweens/teens communicating with each other but with that being said, I also do recognize that I
STILL have the power to control her social media and
will do so as long as she is under my roof and unable to make wise choices.
I must state publicly, that she is a
great kid and a good student, I just want to make sure that her cell phone use and social media does not continue to consume her every waking moment or inhibit her social skills (plus I want her neck muscles to develop properly - LOL!)
The article below speaks for itself but a few points really struck a nerve with me, and one of those was where it says: "Pediatrician Marjorie Hogan said, “common sense tells me that if a child is laying on his own bed and texting friends instead of getting together” there’s a problem."
Here is the original article as posted in
SAHM.ORG:
5 Reasons Your Kid Should Not Have A Cell Phone
3. Cyber-Bullying
This should probably be at the top of the list because the results of
cyber-bullying can lead to a lot more than regrets, job-loss or embarrassment. It can lead to Death!
Wikipedia defines it as the use of information technology to
repeatedly harm or harass other people in a deliberate manner. “That may
be posting rumors or gossip, but it can elevate to personally
identifying victims and publishing material that defames and humiliates
them.
This is SERIOUS!
Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people
according to the centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That’s
about 4,400 deaths every year! And that doesn’t include the 440,000
suicide attempts that were unsuccessful.
I was appalled at those numbers, and when I read the Cyber-bullying
stories online at NoBullying.com, I was even surer of my stance against
cell phones for young ones. Many suicides have been the result of
cyber-bullying.
4% of the teens polled said they had arguments which started out
online from a post but ended up turning into a physical fight. This may
not sound like a large number, but when you consider that 43% of teens
aged 13 to 17 reports being a victim of “cyber-bullying” in just the
past year, you can see how large 4% can actually be.
It’s sad but common. I encourage you to talk to your child about this
online form of abuse and how dangerous it can be not only to them, but
to those they may harm with an off-handed comment or an unauthorized
picture post.
Once online, it’s there forever- even if they think they’ve deleted it.
4. Inhibits True Social Interaction
Because I’m a mom as well as a Sociologist, I was not surprised to learn
that all this media time we’re allowing our children to engage in is
harming their ability to socialize in real one-on-one interactions.
A study published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior, found
that 6th graders who went five days without exposure to technology were
significantly better at reading human emotions than kids who had regular
access to phones, televisions and computers. It goes on to explain
that this finding should be a wake-up call to schools to make sure
they’re not just shoving iPads into student’s hands as a teaching
method. Instead they need to make sure they’re getting real face to face
social interaction and less screen time.
I like how Pediatrician Marjorie Hogan said it, “common sense tells
me that if a child is laying on his own bed and texting friends instead
of getting together” there’s a problem. The research goes on to
indicate that screen time can have negative effects on kids ranging from
childhood obesity to irregular sleep patterns and social/behavioral
issues.
It makes sense if you think about it. You don’t see kids running
around bases or kicking a soccer ball in the net while holding a phone
and texting or face-timing. They’re busy exercising, playing social
sports and more.
5. Poor Academic Performance and More Anxiety
Several studies have linked frequent cell phone use to lower grades and
unhappiness. One study was from researchers from the College of
Education Health and Human Services at Kent State University in Ohio on
under- graduate students. They linked cell phone usage levels to GPA
scores and anxiety levels. The higher a student’s cell phone use, the
lower the grades and the higher the anxiety.
Many schools ban students from bringing in cell phones. Since most
cell phones are able to look up information online, and can double as
calculators and cameras; the ways that a child can use them to their
advantage are numerous. It seems that texting has become the new way to
“pass notes” in the back of the class.
Even if your child isn’t cheating with his cell phone, if he or she
is using it, then they are not listening to the teacher, therefore
adding one more distraction to their learning experience.
So, Should Your Child Have a Smart Device?
Hopefully these 5 points have given you some things to think about when
deciding why it may be a good idea to wait on giving your child a smart
phone.
If you are in the camp that wants your child to have a cell phone for safety purposes, then we would recommend something like:
LG Migo VX1000 Mobile Child Phone
Otherwise, how long you wait depends on many variables and every family is different.
In my house it will depend on the maturity level and responsibility
that my child exhibits. It will also depend on costs as I feel owning a
phone is a privilege and not a right.
So when she does get a phone, she will have to purchase it herself
with her own money. She will have to pay the monthly subscription
service. She will sign a contract with her Dad and I that she will not
go over in texts or minutes that we set for her and that it will be used
appropriately.
Lastly, she will know there will be a parental app that will be
monitoring her incoming messages, calls, photos, texts and social media
posts. AND we will have all access codes and passwords.
This includes her social media accounts as well. If she breaks our trusts, she will lose the phone.
Obviously as she gets older, the privacy restraints will be lifted as
one day we realize she’ll be off to college and able to do many things
without her parent’s knowledge…but until then, the same rules that
applied while I was growing up will apply to my children.
I hate to say it, but there is a lot of merit in the “As long as you live under my roof, my rules apply” standards.
Whatever you decide, keep in mind that we all only want what’s best
for our children. They don’t have to always like us for it, but I
guarantee one day they’ll look back and love us for it!
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