Thursday, July 17, 2014

MY THROWBACK THURSDAY POST

*This month it has been 7 months but I found this post today looking through my notes and figured I'd share my "Throwback Thursday" post!

February 27, 2014 at 11:19pm
So it has been two months since my craniotomy and I can honestly say I have come a long way both physically and emotionally!  As I celebrate my birthday TODAY, I am eternally gratefully to G-d, the Universe, whoever is in charge!  Even though I am not currently working, I am happy to have the time and health to have taken up my "mom duties" again!  Somehow, I had lapsed in this department.  Not only was I working full-time, an hour away, somehow, I had grown apathetic and aloof.  I don't know if I can blame it on my brain tumor but having survived one, I can definitely say, changed my life's perspective.

It is okay for now if I have to be in long car lines two times a day times two kids and it is okay if I have to go to the grocery store three times a week or pick up every shoe thrown around the house. I can appreciate those priceless moments, when my son tells me "Mommy, you are the best mom ever," when I know I am not.  I recognized that we don't have "forever."  I mean, I knew this as I experienced the death of my mom, many years ago but somehow, when you go through a life-altering experience, it hits home in a way that nothing else does.

I am also grateful to have found a (meningioma) group online of women (and some men)   https://www.facebook.com/groups/56743583446/  to ask questions when in doubt.  Things I wonder like, how long is my head going to feel numb?  And what others reactions were to steroids.  P.S. I can honestly say that coming off of steroids was one of the worst experiences ever!

All in all, I realized that I was extremely lucky in having the results be a Grade 1 tumor (benign.)   Although there is nothing "benign" in having a brain tumor.  Non-malignant is a better term because benign implies non-hurtful & friendly and any tumor is never friendly or non-hurtful!  Something
like this changes you.  Even though most people, (even my doctors )are so non-chalant about it because it was benign, it is still life-altering, especially on an emotional level.

I remember standing in front of the mirror and seeing my head open the day my incision opened (during a setback) and crying, not only because it hurt ,but because I imagined the heartache my
mom and so many others went through having the knowledge that they would die.

As a mother now, I understand the absolute grief of the thought of leaving your family behind. There are thousands of people each day who are faced with death, whether it be cancer or a tumor etc.. and I, well, I am  one of the lucky ones.  And so are you, if you are reading this.  You have another day in your life to make a difference, to fight, to be a warrior.  Take it!

Thank you G-d & whoever is in "charge" up there for giving me a "break" and letting me go on enjoying my blessings just a little longer...





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