There’s something about reaching your 40s and beyond when you are a mom that changes the questions you ask yourself. Maybe it’s because we finally have enough life behind us to recognize what matters and what really doesn’t. For most of my adult life, after my years in the music business and a few other career stops, so much of my identity has been connected to raising my kids and taking care of other people and simply keeping life moving.
I'm a mom of two, a bonus mom to three and a nana to five. I've spent years raising kids, loving my family, worrying about them, cheering them on, solving problems and doing all the things moms do that nobody really puts on a r茅sum茅.
As our kids grow and start to move on with their own lives, we often start asking question like: Who am I when everyone doesn't need me in quite the same way anymore?
It's a weird feeling because you're incredibly proud that you've raised these humans to become independent adults. That's the goal, right? But nobody talks enough about the identity shift that happens to the mom when they actually do.
At the same time, I've been thinking a lot about my career and everything life has thrown my way. I've had chapters I absolutely loved, including years working in the music business, which gave me experiences and memories I'll always treasure. I've worked in marketing, social media and other industries. I've reinvented myself professionally more than once.
I've also navigated health challenges that changed what work and everyday life sometimes look like for me.
I've been a caretaker. I've had seasons when I've needed to figure out how to work from home. I've started projects, changed directions, searched for new opportunities and continually looked for creative ways to earn income and build something meaningful.
Some things worked, some didn't. Some chapters were exciting, while others were just about getting through the damn chapter. 馃槀
That's life.
And somewhere in the middle of all of it, I've realized something:
I'm entering a different season now.
I'm no longer the young woman standing at the beginning of adulthood thinking I have endless time to figure everything out. I'm much closer to the third act of my life. That's sometimes difficult to say out loud.
But I'm also beginning to see that awareness differently. It doesn't have to be depressing. It can be clarifying because when you finally understand that time isn't infinite, you become much more intentional about how you want to spend it. It's crazy to me that I am already 10 years older than my mom when she passed asway and I don't take one single year of my life for granted. My only wish is that the knowledge and wisdom I have acquired in my life, came a little sooner! Don't we all wish for that though? Hindsight is always 20/20!
I don't want to spend the next chapter trying to become the person everyone else thinks I should be or who society deems an "older woman" should be. I want to keep learning. I want to create. I want to work on projects that excite me.
I want to earn money doing things that feel meaningful. I want to take care of my health. I want to be present with the people I love.
I want to laugh a lot. I want to stay curious. I want to do the things that bring me joy, because seriously, what is life if we cannot be happy and share that with others?
And I want to continue discovering who I am outside of all the roles I've played for everyone else.
Maybe you understand that feeling too. Maybe your kids are growing up. Maybe your career doesn't fit anymore. Maybe your body is changing. Maybe you've experienced illness, loss, divorce, financial struggles, caregiving, menopause, burnout or simply the realization that the life you built at 30 isn't necessarily the life you want at 50.
And maybe you've caught yourself wondering:
What now?
Who am I in this chapter?
And is it too late to create something different?
I don't believe it is. In fact, I'm starting to think one of the greatest gifts of getting older is finally having enough life experience to know what matters and enough courage to start letting go of what doesn't.
That's one reason I've always loved books about personal growth, psychology, mindset, spirituality and understanding ourselves better.
I don't read them because I think there's something wrong with me that needs to be "fixed." I read them because I'm curious and because I believe that we are all here to grow spiritually and on a personal level. And because sometimes another person's words help us understand something we've been feeling but haven't been able to put into words ourselves. This is one of the main reasons I also love to write, not only to help others but as a form pf self-talk and personal development.
And every once in a while, a book finds you at exactly the moment you need its message.
So, if you're somewhere in your 40s, 50s or beyond wondering what the next chapter looks like, these are some of the books I'd put on your nightstand.
Not because they have all the answers, but because they might help you ask some really good questions.
And sometimes, that's exactly where a new chapter begins. 馃挍
These are some of the books I recommend for women navigating change, rediscovering themselves, building confidence, setting boundaries, creating healthier habits and realizing that it is absolutely not too late to write a new chapter.
1. The Let Them Theory - Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins
Best for: Letting go of what you cannot control
If you've spent a good portion of your life worrying about what other people think, trying to keep everyone happy, fixing other people's problems or feeling responsible for things that were never really yours to carry, this one belongs on your list.
The premise is beautifully simple: sometimes you need to let them.
Let people misunderstand you. Let them have their opinions. Let them make their choices. Let them show you who they are.
Then bring your attention back to the part you actually have control over you. That's an incredibly important lesson at any age, but I think it hits differently in midlife.
There comes a point when protecting your peace becomes more important than proving your point.
Read this if: You're exhausted from trying to control outcomes, relationships or other people's opinions.
My takeaway: Your energy is valuable. Be intentional about where you spend it.
[Find Book here: The Let Them Theory]
2. Untamed - Glennon Doyle
Best for: Rediscovering who you really are
One of the most powerful questions we can ask ourselves in midlife is:
How much of the life I'm living did I consciously choose and how much did I inherit from expectations placed on me?
Untamed explores what happens when women stop living according to everyone else's expectations and begin listening to themselves again.
For women entering a new chapter, that message can feel incredibly freeing.
After decades of being daughters, mothers, partners, employees, caregivers and everything in between, we sometimes have to rediscover the woman underneath all those roles.
Read this if: You're asking yourself, Who am I now?
My takeaway: Reinvention isn't necessarily becoming someone new. Sometimes it's remembering who you were before the world told you who you were supposed to be.
[Find book here: Untamed]
3. The Gifts of Imperfection - Bren茅 Brown
Best for: Learning to accept yourself as you are
Perfectionism can disguise itself as ambition, responsibility and having everything together.
But constantly trying to be enough for everyone can become exhausting.
Bren茅 Brown's work explores vulnerability, shame, courage and what she calls wholehearted living.
For women entering midlife, there's something incredibly liberating about realizing that we don't have to earn our worth by being perfect.
We can stop auditioning for our own lives.
Read this if: You're hard on yourself, struggle with perfectionism or constantly feel like you should be doing more.
My takeaway: The goal isn't becoming perfect. It's becoming comfortable being fully yourself.
[Find book here: The Gifts of Imperfection]
4. Atomic Habits - James Clear
Best for: Actually changing your life instead of just thinking about it
Transformation sounds exciting. Habits aren't nearly as sexy. 馃槀
But our lives are largely shaped by what we repeatedly do.
Atomic Habits focuses on making small behavioral changes that compound over time instead of relying solely on motivation or dramatic overnight transformations.
That's especially helpful when you're starting a new chapter.
You don't need to reinvent your entire life by Monday morning.
- Start walking.
- Drink more water.
- Read ten pages.
- Write in your journal.
- Apply for the job.
- Start the business idea.
- Go to bed earlier.
- Keep one promise to yourself today.
Then do it again tomorrow.
Read this if: You know what you want to change but have trouble following through.
My takeaway: You don't create a new life in one giant leap. You create it through small decisions repeated consistently.
[Find book here: Atomic Habits]
5. Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife - Barbara Bradley Hagerty
Best for: Seeing midlife differently
I love the idea behind this book because it directly challenges the cultural narrative that midlife is simply the beginning of decline.
What if it isn't?
What if this stage is an opportunity to reassess your relationships, work, purpose and priorities using decades of experience you didn't have when you were younger?
There's something incredibly empowering about changing the question from:
"Am I getting too old?"
to:
"What can I do with everything I know now?"
Read this if: You're wondering what's next and want a more hopeful, thoughtful perspective on aging.
My takeaway: Experience isn't baggage. Used intentionally, it becomes wisdom.
[Find book here: Life Reimagined]
6. Quiet - Susan Cain
Best for: Women who have spent years believing they need to be louder to succeed
This one is especially meaningful for introverts, sensitive people and anyone who has ever wondered why our culture seems to celebrate the loudest person in the room.
Quiet explores the strengths introverts bring to relationships, leadership, creativity and work.
Midlife can be a beautiful time to stop trying to turn yourself into somebody else and instead understand how you're naturally wired.
You don't necessarily need a bigger personality.
You may simply need to start valuing the one you already have.
Read this if: You're introverted, thoughtful, sensitive or have spent years comparing yourself to more outgoing people.
My takeaway: You don't have to become louder to become more powerful.
[Find book here: Quiet]
7. It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now - Barbara Sher
Best for: The woman who thinks she missed her chance
The title alone deserves a place on this list.
One of the sneakiest lies we tell ourselves as we get older is:
"It's probably too late for me now."
Too late to change careers. Too late to start a business. Too late to travel. Too late to fall in love. Too late to get healthier. Too late to learn something new. Too late to become the woman you've been imagining.
But there's a pretty obvious problem with that thinking:
You're still here, which means your story is still being written.
Read this if: Fear about your age is keeping you from beginning something.
My takeaway: Starting later is still starting.
[Find book here: It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now]
The best book depends on the chapter you're in You don't need to read every self-help book ever written. Sometimes you just need the right message at the right time.
If you're struggling with other people's opinions, start with The Let Them Theory.
If you've lost touch with yourself, try Untamed.
If perfectionism is exhausting you, pick up The Gifts of Imperfection.
If you know what you want but aren't taking action, read Atomic Habits.
If you're questioning what midlife can look like, try Life Reimagined.
If you've spent years trying to become someone you're not, read Quiet.
And if a little voice keeps telling you that you've waited too long?
Read It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now.
But more importantly, remember this:
You are not starting over. You're starting from experience.
You have knowledge you didn't have at 20. You've survived things your younger self couldn't imagine. You've loved. Lost. Failed. Learned. Changed. Grown. You've discovered what matters to you and probably discovered quite a few things that don't.
So maybe this chapter isn't about becoming someone completely different. Maybe it's about finally giving yourself permission to become more fully yourself.
Turn the page. There's more to your story.
And you get a say in what happens next. 馃挍 Enjoy it!
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