BONDING WITH YOUR TWEEN

The "tween" years are such a difficult time, especially if you have a daughter! It is so important to continuously try to bond, even when the "attitude" is there. Personally, I find this extremely difficult to do, but these tips I read helped to point out some important things to remember specifically, the "talk, talk, talk" advice. Sometimes it is so annoying to just talk and to have a one-way conversation. 

Many times I ask my daughter how her day was, whether at school or at summer camp, and I always get the same two responses, either it's "boring" or just, "fine," with no details.  That's when I begin the "teeth pulling" routine.  I must admit, I suck at this!  I always had the attitude that if you don't feel like talking, well, then don't talk, but now as the mother of a "tween, I recognize the importance of trying to bond with your child.

For me, for us, it's those few minutes that you would never expect, when we bond, or at least when I get some information, some stories, some gossip, complaints etc... It is the few moments she asks me to help her brush her long brown hair. It is the 5-10 minute car ride to school. It is the half-hour before bedtime when I get the most quality time.  You know what, it may seem like only a few minutes of the day, but I'll take it!  It all matters and it will count someday.  It will make a difference.


Even if you feel that your "tween" is not listening, the positive news is that they are listening and you ARE bonding! 

5 Tips to help your tween girl become a physically and emotionally healthy woman

Don’t you love the drama of the tween years? Though you may be tempted to throw your hands in the air and give up on your tween daughter, you really do have the ability to bond with your tween girl and help her grow up into a physically and emotionally healthy young woman. Here’s how... Talk, talk, talk with your tween Everyone is texting and tweeting and no one is communicating. Choose an activity you can do together to give you a chance to talk. My daughter and I cleanse our skin together before bed, and I use those few minutes as a time where she tells me about school, her friends and whatever else is on her mind. If a child feels you are present and not distracted by your cell phone, it will help her feel secure in herself going forward. After all, if your own mother doesn't want to hear about your life, who will? Don't be judgmental of your tween Whether your daughter asks about shaving, getting her period, wearing                                      makeup or sex, you should be thoughtful and understanding. Do not change the subject,                make her feel ashamed for asking or tell her she is too young for such talk. She is looking to you for guidance so she can feel confident in her decisions. Listen to her and assure her you will always be there for her. Discuss the issue at hand, ask her what her friends are doing         and give her honest answers. Be a positive role model for your tween If you encourage your daughter to eat healthy and exercise -- while you sit on the couch eating chips -- you are sending her a mixed message. If you do not want her to make your mistakes, take the opportunity to modify your behavior and ask for her help. Clean out the junk food together and replace it with fruits and veggies. Take a bike ride with her, do a fun workout DVD together and get healthy. Encourage healthy social development with your      tween's peers To a tween, having friends is everything. Make your home a place where her friends want  to come. Encourage her to invite girls over for sleepovers and plan lots of fun activities for them. You will get to know her friends and it will help her to develop strong friendships.  If she feels she has friends, it will improve her self esteem. Don't leave out your partner in raising your tween Girls need both parents to help them develop healthy relationships going forward. Having special one-on-one time with each parent -- preferably without the other siblings present -- will make her feel special and give her the forum to talk about things she may not want to discuss with the other parent. This will make her feel more secure and foster better self esteem as she moves into womanhood.