MY REAL LIFE FAIRY GODMOTHER

Somehow, it is in the darkest moments of life that we feel most alive and loved by our family and friends. It is a feeling of life at it's fullest...despite the pain.

Although, I live a Jewish lifestyle today, I was actually raised in a Catholic household.  My mother was a devout Catholic.  Consequently, I was baptized.  My parents chose amazing godparents for me, especially my godmother.  She was always there for me, every birthday, graduation, holidays, every single milestone in my life.  There was never one birthday or one X-mas that I didn't get a call from her.  And presents, Oh boy! Ever since I was a little kid, she always always got me birthday presents, X-mas presents, Easter presents, "Godchild Day" presents, you name it.

But my love for her was not about the presents or the happy phone calls.  It was about the unselfish love she demonstrated to me and all those she loved.  She was an amazing mother,wife, sister, aunt, grandmother, friend and happy world-traveler. She always had a happy demeanor and a beautiful smile on her face, just like my mother. 

Today, it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to the most glamorous woman I have ever known.

She was an integral part of my life from day one.  She was my real-life fairy godmother.  

It is always hard to say "goodbye" to someone you love but even harder when someone has been a constant in your life. From experience I can tell you that it is not the moment of death that is difficult, it is when you wake up in the morning and realize it is not a dream.  It is when you have a birthday, or when it's Mother's Day, or when you have great news and you want to share it.  Those are the tough moments.

Thankfully, we have many wonderful memories that can make us smile.  That is what we should hold onto, the memories that make us smile, the joys shared in this temporary life.  Those of us who have faith, hold onto the hope that someday we will see our loved ones again, whether you call it heaven or a different dimension,  it is all we can do for now.  I pray Neida  finds my mom up in the ultimate "Big H."  I know they would make each other so happy and I know they will light up the heavens with those big beautiful smiles.

Today, one more beautiful angel in Heaven. May her soul rest in peace. I love you Madrina.

LIFE, DEATH AND UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

So I pick up my daughter from school yesterday and the car ride conversation starts with a story about a boat that flipped over with a huge wave and the people fell out.
I'm wondering why are they talking about these news stories in school? Then after more details I realize she is talking about the Titanic. I guess they must have discussed this in class. Don't know why in kindergarten?!

OH! I say to her. "Yes, this is a true story." And so begins a series of questions about G-d and life and death that I am left speechless with no definitive answers to give her. "Mommy, why is G-d so mean and let people die?" (Questions I ask myself too, when my mom died) "Hmm, that's a very good question I say to her." I have no convincing answer for her. I try to explain how we are born and we grow from babies, to toddlers to teenagers etc.. and must learn things along the way. This is life I tell her. When I die can I be a baby again? she asks. So I try to explain to her that some people believe in what's called "reincarnation" and then I realize this is way too intense for a 5-year old. "Mommy, why does G-d make people die?" she continues. Then answers her own question. "Maybe when G-d comes to town we can ask him." Then as if I'm not shaken up enough, out of the blue she says "I miss my grandmas" (mind you she's never even met either one.) I want to see them." I look towards the back seat and she has her head down. I say, "Yes, me too." "I'm really sad, Mommy, I feel like I'm going to cry, see there's a tear coming down," she tells me. Indeed there was a tear strolling down her cheek.

Thankfully, we arrived at gymnastic class before anymore of this intense conversation continued!

So, I'm all sentimental now pondering the questions in life and how I will answer them for my daughter. When night time comes her older sister and I are giving her a bath and when she gets out of the bath, she turns to me and says, "Hey, when you die can I have your room?" Then turns to her sister and ask the same thing of her. What the @#%!!#

?????