WONDERING

Now that I have decided to go ahead with this organ donation thing (the cross-match program) I am freaking out. Not to say that I do not want to help my husband but I have a million thoughts going through my head. I think when I volunteered for this I never really considered the fact that I am putting myself willingly "under the knife" while I have two small children. I think maybe if I hadn't lost my own mother maybe I wouldn't be so consumed with the thought of death. I don't want to be negative but these thoughts are there. The worst part is NO ONE thinks what I am doing is the right thing. They might be supporting me (in the moral support sense of the word) but I think everyone pretty much thinks I'm nuts. The way I see it is that I have a chance to extend my husband's life, so that G-d willing he will be around longer for our children.

I think what I worry most about are the logistics of it all. The fact that I have to be away from my two small children for almost 2-3 weeks. I don't know how my 6-year old will handle that! I know I will not handle it well at all! I know it's inconvenience versus saving someone's life. I know people do this all the time but do mothers of two small children do this to save their husband's? I wonder...