HOW DO WE HELP OUR TROUBLED YOUTH?

In the quiet town of Parkland, Florida, torn apart by a school shooting last year (2018,) I sat at home working on my computer, when I got a notification on my phone regarding a news report from a media outlet. There was an FBI manhunt for a teenage girl from Miami Beach, Florida, my birthplace and hometown! Immediately, I went to the TV.

An eerie feeling of deja vu, watching this story unfold. It brought about horrible memories of me anxiously being glued to my television on February 14, 2018, as I watched in horror, praying I would see my daughter walk out of her high school, as many of the survivors were doing that day. It would be a quite stressful and scary 30 to 40 minutes of silence that day before we knew our daughter was okay.

Fast-forward to April 2019.


While the outward appearance to the rest of the world was that of a "quiet and smart girl with good grades and a pretty smile," Sol Pais, the South Florida18-year old, who was wanted by the FBI for an apparent threat to Denver schools on April 17, 2019, was actually busy posting questions to online gun forums under the name, "dissolvedgirl." (See below)  Pais had been expressing her true feelings and desires online. 

Question About Non Colorado Resident Buying Shotgun

"hello everybody

Florida resident here. I am planning a trip to Colorado in the next month or so and wanna buy a shotgun while I'm there and I was wondering what restrictions apply for me? I've found a few private sellers I might want to purchase from; is it legal for me as a Florida resident to purchase a shotgun in Colorado? I'm 18 years old too, if it's important. thank you for reading, i appreciate any response" dissolvedgirl

People who knew her, like her classmates were shocked to hear that this quiet person in their class could have been planning something so horrible and unfortunately, ended by taking her own life, according to Denver authorities.

It is becoming more and more worrisome, that some of today's youth seems so troubled and tormented, many of them, suffering in silence until it is too late.

As parents what can we do?  How do we help this troubled youth?  Where can we start?  If you follow my blog or me personally on Facebook, you know that within the last year, I often express my opinions on mass shootings, gun violence and dealing with teenagers. The moment I knew my daughter had survived the school shooting in Parkland, Florida, I was eternally gratefully and vowed to help be the voice for those who can longer speak. 

I think this topic transcends politics or gun reform. As a mother, as a parent, I can see that there is a deeper, more intense problem and that is a social and personal development issue. This is not a fun topic, nor a topic that I intentionally set out to write about, it is something that I sort of fell into, simply based on the love of my children, and wanting to protect their future, my desire to bring about change and my passion to empower today's youth to seek help, if they need it. I also want to be a source of motivation and positivity. If I can help even one student or one parent, then I have done something to make a difference and that is ultimately my goal. 

So, back to my question - "What can we do?"  In light of recent suicides in my community and the school shooting last year, the topic parents have most been discussing here has been, "How can we help our kids?  How can we see the signs?" And "how can we prevent further tragedies?"

As a result, I recently, I attended a few workshops on those topics and everyone suggest counseling, and seeking out professional help, but my personal opinion is, this "help" has to start way BEFORE there is actually any kind of problem.

There are numerous issues intertwined here, such as gun violence, mental health, school shootings, and more, but I believe that it all starts at home with parents and/or guardians.  My father always taught my brother and I this: "Todos los poquitos cuentan," and the translation (more or less) is: all the little pieces add up. As a parent now, I can see the full effect of that statement that I always use to hear growing up.

You don't just wake up one day and suddenly have a troubled teen or a school shooter or a child who randomly wants to kill themselves or harm others. This is a slow problem that is festering inside of an individual, that may not necessarily be apparent to the outside world.

When it comes to our children, no one knows them better (or should know them better) than a parent. It is our job and obligation to know what they are doing, who they are hanging out with, how they are doing at school, what is troubling  them?  It is our job, as annoying as they may think we are, to ask the difficult questions, to inquire who they are going out with (if they are teenagers.) If they are younger, it is also vital to ask them questions as well, even if you have to ask things like, "How was lunch today?" "Who did you sit with?"  

We can also teach them to be involved by helping others, even when they are young, starting in preschool even. As they get older, it is important to teach them that they too can make a positive difference in the world - that they matter and they are important to many people who love them. Self-love and self-development is crucial in the nurturing of a child! Be someone's hero!!

All these little things add up to show that you as a parent, a guardian or a friend care about them. It demonstrates to them that you are involved, but most importantly, it shows that our children are LOVED and that they matter!

There are times when parents think they are doing all the "right" things and yet, their children show signs of trouble. It is no easy task. Parenting is one of, if not the hardest job you will ever have!  There is no handbook on parenting, but it is important to ask for help, to seek guidance and to acknowledge that you don't have all the answers, when it comes your children. We are all learning as we go through this journey of life.

It is also important to recognize those little problems or signs you may have ignored before. Those times your child may have isolated themselves in their room or complained about someone bullying them or told you about a love interest gone awry.  You just never know what is going to trigger someone, emotionally-speaking. We no longer have the luxury of dealing with our kids the way we were raised "back in the day." It may work sometimes, but the truth is, times have changed drastically and social media has played an enormous role in this change. 

Kids (and adults) today, have the ability and easier access to live a "double-life."  They can appear to be one type of person in the real world, while expressing their true feelings online and sometimes in an "underground" and dangerous internet world.

We can help or at least try to help our children by being actively involved as much as possible in their lives every step of the way! And if you don't have the answers or know what to do, do not be afraid to ask for help!  It takes a village is not just a cliche!  I highly believe in the 3 F's in life: Faith, Family and Friends.  As long as you try to keep those 3 present in your life, you are making every effort to raise your kids in the best possible way.

There are never any guarantees in life or on raising our children, so all we can do is educate ourselves on these topics and communicate with one another, on every side of the aisle and every part of the world. We all want peace, love and happy, healthy children!

It is our moral obligation to protect our children the best way we can.  Whether you are a parent or not, they are the future of our world!

NO MORE CLEAR BACKPACKS AT MSD

So my 15-year old daughter is away for the summer working out of state. She opted for this after the end of the year at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. She seems to really be enjoying herself and working hard,  though she rarely ever calls home. I know from what family members tell me and a few pictures I can see on social media and sporadic late night face-time calls.

Today, at 12:50pm, in the middle of the work day, she called my cell phone. Rare. My heart momentarily stopped. I couldn’t even say “hello” properly. I said, Hi, what happened?” “Nothing, she replied, (thankfully,) it's just I found out that we don’t have to use clear backpacks at school this year.” “Oh that’s great! I said. I am happy for you. What else? I asked. “That’s it, gotta go, bye, love you.” And with that she hung up. 

Whew! I thought to myself. My immediate instinct was to think something bad happened. Ever since Feb. 14, 2018, it is an underlying fear I have. That was the day she texted both her father and I (at 2:35p.m.) to tell us there was an active shooter in her school. That is the one text (or call) no parent EVER wants to receive!  That fateful day of Feb. 14th, she said she could hear someone crying and praying because they had been shot. She said she was in the 1200 building on the 3rd floor. She said she was hiding and that she was fine but that she was terrified. After that, we lost comunication with her for 30-40 minutes!

That was the most terrifying thirty to forty minutes of my life not knowing if my child was dead or alive. I know she was scared for own life as well.  That day was "hell" for everyone involved.

Fast-forward to the simple phone call today to share news with me. Sure it was an over-reaction on my part, I guess, but it just took me momentarily, to a dark place and thought.  Thankfully, it was good news.  It may seem like no big deal, but the news of that rule (no clear backpacks) being implemented made her day, enough to actually call me. I imagine it was a feeling of a sense of privacy returned. It is a small sense of normalcy returning. 

Who knows how each of these students will react as they return back to Marjory Stoneman Douglas, when summer is over. after what was, a long and painful end to the school year.

My hope is that with some of the changes that have been implemented over the summer, such as no more clear pack backs, (pilot) metal detectors being installed (hopefully in the Fall 2018,) fire alarm tones being altered, higher fencing, and extra school resource officers (SRO's,) there will be some semblance of security and a feeling of getting back to “normal”

Realistically, we all know things will never be the same for anyone of these students or anyone affected by the tragedy at Stoneman Douglas, but we have to find the silver lining wherever we can and keep moving forward to make things better, especially when it comes to gun violence awareness and safety in our schools!